Peter Dubbelman
Family Life Pastor
Life can be very busy, especially for parents. So busy, in fact, that we don’t do what is helpful for the most important things in our life: our relationship with the Lord and our family. When facing the demands of employment or being a parent, don’t do it at the expense of your marriage! Below are several strategies to avoid doing this.
1. Coming this January our Married and More (M&M) ministry will have six constructive suggestions within the context of ABC to help you work on your marriage in 2010. We’ll have the information distributed via a flier at our first two Sunday worship services in January.
2. Are you praying together and communicating with one another? Schedule time to be alone together each day in order to catch up on each others’ feelings, experiences, and thoughts, even if this means a phone call while driving home to meet your spouse and kids. My wife and I pray daily together around the meals and at bed time. We also take one day out of the week for an extended time of prayer. Communication is one of the keys to having a great relationship, whether it is with our Lord or your spouse.
3. Spend time together as a family. When babies arrive, they come into the family with a lot of needs; resultantly, couples have less conversation, flexibility, opportunities for romance, and money. Therefore, children, which are a product of spousal love, can actually bring into the family a dynamic that may put adverse pressure on the very relationship that brought them into being. You must actively work at this not happening. In a kind way, let your kids know that the dynamics of parenting will not split your marriage apart. Your spouse was there before kids, and they will hopefully be there after they leave the nest. You can also enjoy some great moments as an entire family by doing things together like family walks, shopping outings, or games. Or, as a couple, take on some of kid responsibilities like bathing or bed time stories.
4. Create private moments. You still need some time without the kids. Working on any relationship takes privacy as well as time. When our kids were in the home, my wife and I went out of our way to plan a date night, put the kids in bed early, …. All so we could have time together. In addition to your private moments, combine working around the house with working on your relationship. Don’t always divide up the chores, sometimes do them together. Just being in the same room or working towards a common goal can foster a feeling of closeness.
If I can ever help you with your marriage, please don’t hesitate to contact me!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
The Church and D-Day
I recently finished reading “D-Day” by Stephen Ambrose. Kristi and I had watched Band of Brothers a few years back and my interest in World War II was further stoked by conversations this past year with my Grandfather who served in the Navy during the War. A short blog post can in no way do justice to the sacrifice and bravery of our armed forces, but I wanted to share 3 lessons that I think the Church can learn from D-Day.
1. Courage: The courage of these men against the defenses of the Atlantic Wall is just amazing. The simple fact that the airborne troops would jump from their planes into a storm of artillery and tracers not knowing whether or not they would arrive on the ground dead or alive is enough to give me chills. How many times have I wimped out in my relationship with Jesus? How many times have the words of God’s love stuck in my throat because I was scared of offending someone or too lazy to say it? God, give me courage!
2. Working Together: It’s incredible to read just how focused everyone was in the United States in the war effort and how everyone worked together. Whether it was the soldiers on the front line or farmers providing food or workers in defense plants making planes and artillery or volunteers helping roll bandages—everyone labored together sacrificially. This was Jesus’s prayer for the Church: “May they be made completely one, so the world may know You have sent me and have loved them as you have loved me.” God, make us one!
3. A Common Cause: Eisenhower said this twenty years after D-Day: “It’s a wonderful thing to remember what those fellows twenty years ago were fighting for and sacrificing for, what they did to preserve our way of life. Not to conquer any territory, not for any ambitions of our own. But to make sure that Hitler could not destroy freedom in the world. I think it’s just overwhelming. To think of the lives that were given for that principle, paying a terrible price on this beach alone [Omaha], on that one day, 2,000 casualties. But they did it so that the world could be free. It just shows what free men will do rather than be slaves.” Oh, that our common cause would be to know Jesus and nothing else! God, help us to know the fellowship of your sufferings!
1. Courage: The courage of these men against the defenses of the Atlantic Wall is just amazing. The simple fact that the airborne troops would jump from their planes into a storm of artillery and tracers not knowing whether or not they would arrive on the ground dead or alive is enough to give me chills. How many times have I wimped out in my relationship with Jesus? How many times have the words of God’s love stuck in my throat because I was scared of offending someone or too lazy to say it? God, give me courage!
2. Working Together: It’s incredible to read just how focused everyone was in the United States in the war effort and how everyone worked together. Whether it was the soldiers on the front line or farmers providing food or workers in defense plants making planes and artillery or volunteers helping roll bandages—everyone labored together sacrificially. This was Jesus’s prayer for the Church: “May they be made completely one, so the world may know You have sent me and have loved them as you have loved me.” God, make us one!
3. A Common Cause: Eisenhower said this twenty years after D-Day: “It’s a wonderful thing to remember what those fellows twenty years ago were fighting for and sacrificing for, what they did to preserve our way of life. Not to conquer any territory, not for any ambitions of our own. But to make sure that Hitler could not destroy freedom in the world. I think it’s just overwhelming. To think of the lives that were given for that principle, paying a terrible price on this beach alone [Omaha], on that one day, 2,000 casualties. But they did it so that the world could be free. It just shows what free men will do rather than be slaves.” Oh, that our common cause would be to know Jesus and nothing else! God, help us to know the fellowship of your sufferings!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
A Time of Restoration
Nathan Stam
Children/Communications Pastor
Growing up, my best friend and I used to get in fights all of the time. We used to play basketball in his driveway and we’d make bets on making half-court shots and then, usually, if one of us made the shot the other one would refuse to pay up. (I remember one time offering a trade for our younger sisters.) Inevitably, we’d end up rolling around on the ground trying to gouge each other’s eyeballs out. Thinking back on it—it was kind of interesting that our parents were never to be found during those times!
We’d get into fights playing tackle football. We’d get into fights playing board games. I can remember one time fighting over who was the best character in G.I. Joe—-Duke or Snake Eyes.
But let’s be honest—one of the big differences between boys and girls is that boys have this ability to fight one minute and then be best friends again. It doesn’t matter. We don’t carry grudges. My friend and I—-one of us would go home mad—-and our Mom/Dad would tell us that we needed to make things right. 30 minutes later we’d call each other up and go off down the train tracks with our sling shots shooting rocks at trees. Our relationship was made right again—-it was restored.
In the Book of Hebrews the Bible talks about how when Jesus died on the cross and sacrificed himself he brought about a time of restoration. The word that’s translated “restoration” means “to make straight”, “to correct”, or “to make right.” In other words, because Jesus died on the cross our relationship with God can be made right. It can be restored.
Because of sin in our lives our relationship with God was broken, but because of Jesus’s death on the cross that relationship can be fixed. He’s the one who has made things right; who has straightened things out. I know we can all identify with having relationships in our lives that need to be restored or that have been restored in the past. But what about the biggest, most important relationship of all—-your relationship with God? Has Jesus made things right between you and God? Have you trusted in Him as your Savior?
Children/Communications Pastor
Growing up, my best friend and I used to get in fights all of the time. We used to play basketball in his driveway and we’d make bets on making half-court shots and then, usually, if one of us made the shot the other one would refuse to pay up. (I remember one time offering a trade for our younger sisters.) Inevitably, we’d end up rolling around on the ground trying to gouge each other’s eyeballs out. Thinking back on it—it was kind of interesting that our parents were never to be found during those times!
We’d get into fights playing tackle football. We’d get into fights playing board games. I can remember one time fighting over who was the best character in G.I. Joe—-Duke or Snake Eyes.
But let’s be honest—one of the big differences between boys and girls is that boys have this ability to fight one minute and then be best friends again. It doesn’t matter. We don’t carry grudges. My friend and I—-one of us would go home mad—-and our Mom/Dad would tell us that we needed to make things right. 30 minutes later we’d call each other up and go off down the train tracks with our sling shots shooting rocks at trees. Our relationship was made right again—-it was restored.
In the Book of Hebrews the Bible talks about how when Jesus died on the cross and sacrificed himself he brought about a time of restoration. The word that’s translated “restoration” means “to make straight”, “to correct”, or “to make right.” In other words, because Jesus died on the cross our relationship with God can be made right. It can be restored.
Because of sin in our lives our relationship with God was broken, but because of Jesus’s death on the cross that relationship can be fixed. He’s the one who has made things right; who has straightened things out. I know we can all identify with having relationships in our lives that need to be restored or that have been restored in the past. But what about the biggest, most important relationship of all—-your relationship with God? Has Jesus made things right between you and God? Have you trusted in Him as your Savior?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Happy Marriage
Alex Cosio
Pastor of Hispanic Ministries
It has been some time since Diana and Fred said their wedding vows and began their life as a married couple. Their marriage has gone through difficult times because of Fred's exploding character and the emotional and sometimes physical abuse of both. Diana has looked for help with a pastor but Fred has rejected the help and does not accept responsibility in the conflict. It seems like any attempts to reconcile is not working. Can they be happy some day?
These are fictitious characters but reflect what many of us go
through in our own marriages. For some the solution is separation and/or divorce. Some others remain together for the wrong reasons but live miserably.
What is the secret for a happy marriage? The Lord Jesus Christ
in the gospel of Matthew 7:24-27 in the conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount tells a wonderful illustration that has transformed millions of people for two thousand years. Whoever hears his Word and puts them to practice, is like a man who builds his house upon the rock. When the winds blow and the rain come and the rivers run and hit with might against the house, it will stand because is foundation is the Rock. But whoever hears his Word and does not put them to practice is like a fool who builds his house upon the sand. When the winds blow and the rain come and the rivers run and hit with might against the house it will come down and its ruin will be great.
Build your house, your life, your marriage, your family on the Rock. We all have setbacks and difficulties, the difference is whether you put the Word of God into practice in your own life or not. May God bless you and your marriage and your family!
Pastor of Hispanic Ministries
It has been some time since Diana and Fred said their wedding vows and began their life as a married couple. Their marriage has gone through difficult times because of Fred's exploding character and the emotional and sometimes physical abuse of both. Diana has looked for help with a pastor but Fred has rejected the help and does not accept responsibility in the conflict. It seems like any attempts to reconcile is not working. Can they be happy some day?
These are fictitious characters but reflect what many of us go
through in our own marriages. For some the solution is separation and/or divorce. Some others remain together for the wrong reasons but live miserably.
What is the secret for a happy marriage? The Lord Jesus Christ
in the gospel of Matthew 7:24-27 in the conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount tells a wonderful illustration that has transformed millions of people for two thousand years. Whoever hears his Word and puts them to practice, is like a man who builds his house upon the rock. When the winds blow and the rain come and the rivers run and hit with might against the house, it will stand because is foundation is the Rock. But whoever hears his Word and does not put them to practice is like a fool who builds his house upon the sand. When the winds blow and the rain come and the rivers run and hit with might against the house it will come down and its ruin will be great.
Build your house, your life, your marriage, your family on the Rock. We all have setbacks and difficulties, the difference is whether you put the Word of God into practice in your own life or not. May God bless you and your marriage and your family!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Ten Tips to Remember when in a Conflict
Peter Dubbelman
Family Life Pastor
1. Focus on where you need to improve rather than on your spouse’s failures. But don’t follow up such thoughts with a criticism; e.g., “I know I could be better about telling you when I am coming home late, but you could also . . .”
2. Dwell on what is good about your relationship and your spouse not visa versa.
3. Stop the fight and escalating tension, until you can constructively communicate.
4. Don’t demand to be heard. Instead, be quick to listen.
5. Select an appropriate time and place to work out your present conflict. A public setting might keep emotions in place.
6. Avoid using words like “always” and “never;” e.g., “You are “always” late.”
7. Use “I” confessions instead of you accusations; e.g., “I sometimes feel ignored, when you do . . .” will go over a lot better than “You never pay attention to me.”
8. Be quick to admit your fault in the present dynamic but not in an explanatory way; e.g., say, “I’m really sorry that I did . . .” instead of saying, “I’m really sorry that I did … but I only did so because you did . . .”
9. Instead of waiting for your spouse to express their sorrow over the hurt their wrong behavior has caused you, take the lead in doing so.
10. Be aware of what is really at the root of the issue and speak these thoughts with care; e.g., don’t say “I hate football,” if what you really mean is “I value your company and companionship; I wish we could spend more time together on Saturday afternoons. How about I watch one game with you and instead of you watching a second game we do . . .”
If your relationship has crumbled to pieces, you, all by yourself, can play a major part in seeing God miraculously restore it. Read The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. You marriage really is the most important thing you will do outside of your relationship with God. If my wife or I can ever be of ANY help to your marriage, please contact me: peter@apexbaptist.org.
Family Life Pastor
1. Focus on where you need to improve rather than on your spouse’s failures. But don’t follow up such thoughts with a criticism; e.g., “I know I could be better about telling you when I am coming home late, but you could also . . .”
2. Dwell on what is good about your relationship and your spouse not visa versa.
3. Stop the fight and escalating tension, until you can constructively communicate.
4. Don’t demand to be heard. Instead, be quick to listen.
5. Select an appropriate time and place to work out your present conflict. A public setting might keep emotions in place.
6. Avoid using words like “always” and “never;” e.g., “You are “always” late.”
7. Use “I” confessions instead of you accusations; e.g., “I sometimes feel ignored, when you do . . .” will go over a lot better than “You never pay attention to me.”
8. Be quick to admit your fault in the present dynamic but not in an explanatory way; e.g., say, “I’m really sorry that I did . . .” instead of saying, “I’m really sorry that I did … but I only did so because you did . . .”
9. Instead of waiting for your spouse to express their sorrow over the hurt their wrong behavior has caused you, take the lead in doing so.
10. Be aware of what is really at the root of the issue and speak these thoughts with care; e.g., don’t say “I hate football,” if what you really mean is “I value your company and companionship; I wish we could spend more time together on Saturday afternoons. How about I watch one game with you and instead of you watching a second game we do . . .”
If your relationship has crumbled to pieces, you, all by yourself, can play a major part in seeing God miraculously restore it. Read The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. You marriage really is the most important thing you will do outside of your relationship with God. If my wife or I can ever be of ANY help to your marriage, please contact me: peter@apexbaptist.org.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Are You Really Thirsty?
Tim Shaw
Pastor of Adult Education
I enjoy yard work. Or perhaps more accurately, I enjoy mowing. There is something about pushing the mower back and forth and seeing the straight lines that are formed with each pass and the sweet aroma of freshly cut grass. However, when it is one of those hot, humid, North Carolina summer days, I lose some of that delight to exhaustion and thirst. That thirst can only be quenched by cold water and it often has to be quenched more than once for me to be able to finish the job.
You know you can compare that level of thirst with being filled with the Spirit. In fact, Spirit fullness begins with a thirst. Along with obeying we must desire to be filled and then allow the filling. Jesus said in John 7:37, “If any man thirst, let him come to me and drink.” Here are two prerequisites for the filling of the Holy Spirit – thirst and drink. Thirst suggests desire, and drinking suggests obedience and trust, in that if we drink, He will quench our thirst.
Included in this desire to be filled with the Holy Spirit must be our wanting God to judge and put away sin in our lives. We must desire to be separated unto the Lord from the world and its evil system. We must regard ourselves dead to sin and alive to God. This is true not only in our position in Christ, but also in our spiritual life as we yield to the Holy Spirit’s control.
We must also desire the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. Do we want, no, do we thirst for, love, joy, peace and the other evidences of the Spirit’s life in us? Do we long to put Christ on the throne?
Thirst should cause us to drink, and in drinking we are trusting. In the words of our Savior, “Out of our being shall flow rivers of living water.” (v38) We not only trust Christ to save us from sin, but we also trust Him to fill us with the Spirit. This particular phase of believing, or trusting, in Christ should be a continuous attitude of trusting, of committing ourselves to the Lord in order to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
So, next time your physical body thirsts and you burn to have it quenched, ask yourself, “Do I desire and burn to be filled with the Spirit as badly as I desire to have a drink of water?”
Pastor of Adult Education
“On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ ” Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive… John 7:37-39a (ESV)
I enjoy yard work. Or perhaps more accurately, I enjoy mowing. There is something about pushing the mower back and forth and seeing the straight lines that are formed with each pass and the sweet aroma of freshly cut grass. However, when it is one of those hot, humid, North Carolina summer days, I lose some of that delight to exhaustion and thirst. That thirst can only be quenched by cold water and it often has to be quenched more than once for me to be able to finish the job.
You know you can compare that level of thirst with being filled with the Spirit. In fact, Spirit fullness begins with a thirst. Along with obeying we must desire to be filled and then allow the filling. Jesus said in John 7:37, “If any man thirst, let him come to me and drink.” Here are two prerequisites for the filling of the Holy Spirit – thirst and drink. Thirst suggests desire, and drinking suggests obedience and trust, in that if we drink, He will quench our thirst.
Included in this desire to be filled with the Holy Spirit must be our wanting God to judge and put away sin in our lives. We must desire to be separated unto the Lord from the world and its evil system. We must regard ourselves dead to sin and alive to God. This is true not only in our position in Christ, but also in our spiritual life as we yield to the Holy Spirit’s control.
We must also desire the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. Do we want, no, do we thirst for, love, joy, peace and the other evidences of the Spirit’s life in us? Do we long to put Christ on the throne?
Thirst should cause us to drink, and in drinking we are trusting. In the words of our Savior, “Out of our being shall flow rivers of living water.” (v38) We not only trust Christ to save us from sin, but we also trust Him to fill us with the Spirit. This particular phase of believing, or trusting, in Christ should be a continuous attitude of trusting, of committing ourselves to the Lord in order to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
So, next time your physical body thirsts and you burn to have it quenched, ask yourself, “Do I desire and burn to be filled with the Spirit as badly as I desire to have a drink of water?”
And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit.” Eph 5:18
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Walking With God or Going Out Just Like Enoch!
Nathan Stam
Children/Communications Pastor
Enoch is one of those men that you don’t read about much in Scripture, but what a testimony he left behind! He’s only mentioned three times (a total of 8 verses), but one of those times is in the Heroes of Faith chapter in Hebrews. Hebrews 11:5 reads:
By faith, Enoch was taken away so that he did not experience death, and he was not to be found because God took him away. For prior to his transformation he was approved, having pleased God.
This verse is referring to the account of Enoch’s life found in Genesis 5:21-24:
Enoch was 65 years old when he fathered Methusaleh. And after the birth of Methusaleh, Enoch walked with God 300 years and fathered sons and daughters. So Enoch’s life lasted 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not there, because God took him.
What a way to leave this earth! One day he was not there, because God took him! It reminds me of Elijah and that old Rich Mullins’ song: “When I die I want to go out like Elijah/With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire.”
It’s mentioned twice in the Genesis passage that Enoch “walked with God.” The same word translated “walk” can also mean “well-pleasing”, so in essence Enoch’s relationship with God was one that pleased God and brought him honor.
That’s a challenge for us today, isn’t it? Can we live each day keeping in step with the Spirit and glorifying the Lord in everything that we do, say, feel, desire and love? I think it’s not easy, but possible, when we live a life filled with the love of Jesus and surrendered to the will of God.
Like Enoch, let us seek to please God and to walk with Him all the days of our lives!
Children/Communications Pastor
Enoch is one of those men that you don’t read about much in Scripture, but what a testimony he left behind! He’s only mentioned three times (a total of 8 verses), but one of those times is in the Heroes of Faith chapter in Hebrews. Hebrews 11:5 reads:
By faith, Enoch was taken away so that he did not experience death, and he was not to be found because God took him away. For prior to his transformation he was approved, having pleased God.
This verse is referring to the account of Enoch’s life found in Genesis 5:21-24:
Enoch was 65 years old when he fathered Methusaleh. And after the birth of Methusaleh, Enoch walked with God 300 years and fathered sons and daughters. So Enoch’s life lasted 365 years. Enoch walked with God, and he was not there, because God took him.
What a way to leave this earth! One day he was not there, because God took him! It reminds me of Elijah and that old Rich Mullins’ song: “When I die I want to go out like Elijah/With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire.”
It’s mentioned twice in the Genesis passage that Enoch “walked with God.” The same word translated “walk” can also mean “well-pleasing”, so in essence Enoch’s relationship with God was one that pleased God and brought him honor.
That’s a challenge for us today, isn’t it? Can we live each day keeping in step with the Spirit and glorifying the Lord in everything that we do, say, feel, desire and love? I think it’s not easy, but possible, when we live a life filled with the love of Jesus and surrendered to the will of God.
Like Enoch, let us seek to please God and to walk with Him all the days of our lives!
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